We have all heard about consent throughout our lives, mostly in the context of sexual activity. However, consent exists in many different aspects of our lives. This may look like a photographer asking your permission to take photos of you at an event, or an accountant asking your consent to file your taxes on your behalf through the CRA. Regardless of the scenario, consent is an integral part of our day-to-day lives.
Planned Parenthood developed the acronym “FRIES” to include all aspects of sexual consent. It peels back the layers of consent to reveal that it isn’t JUST a “yes” or a “no”.
F – Freely given; there isn’t any pressure or coercion impacting a person’s ability to give permission.
R – Reversible; anyone, no matter when, can choose to revoke their consent and cease all sexual activity.
I – Informed; all parties are knowledgeable of what activity they are consenting to.
E – Enthusiastic; all parties are indicating verbally and through body language that they want to have sex.
S – Specific; sex has a lot of different meanings depending on the person. In order to ensure full consent, everyone must be on the same page about what they are consenting to.
Body language is a great indicator of how a person may feel about engaging in sexual activity. Often, it is the combination of verbal and non-verbal communication that indicates whether your partner is consenting. If you are still unsure about your partner’s comfortability, it never hurts to ask. Checking in doesn’t have to be awkward! This allows us to become more sensitive to signs that our partner may not want to proceed but is unsure how to voice it. Instead of ignoring those signals, shine light on it! For example, you can frame it as an observation – “Hey, I noticed that when we were kissing you were pulling away from me. Are you ok with kissing, or should we slow it down?”.
Like most things in life, practice makes perfect. Checking in with a partner may feel uncomfortable in the moment. But, with practice and open communication, those feelings will subside. Verbalizing desires and boundaries build a strong foundation for your relationship while reinforcing that consent can be reversed at any time.
Check out the video below to see Planned Parenthood’s video on FRIES:
Planned Parenthood. (2021, October 14). What is Consent? Consent is as easy as FRIES! | Planned Parenthood Video [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTSDIilyA2I